So This Is Postpartum

September 28, 2017

I wrote this post on August 29 - in the middle of the night. I've been deciding if I should post this or not - but am deciding to take a leap of faith because it all still feels so raw and relevant. So be gentle with this hormonal crazy mama of 2! 

" 1:07 am on  Tuesday morning , 4 days postpartum. I wake up and look at my phone. "Thank God" I think because it's almost time to take another Tylenol. My c-section scar hurts a little too much because I spent the day playing the hero, pushing myself too hard. My milk also came in, and I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't even decide which pain is worse. 


My husband looks over at me and says "I brought the pump here if you need it" and I decide if it's better to pump to alleviate the pain or if I should just stick through it because i know damn well that pumping will only bring on more milk later - so what do I choose ? Short term relief or fix long term problems? 


Short term it is because ow. I somehow get up out of bed, relying on his strong arms and move over to the nursery where I start pumping. It takes like 5 minutes for me to pump enough for our newborn who just so happens to wake up for a feed during this time. "Why didn't I just wait "' I keep thinking.


It's probably good i didn't because in that time I hear "mama" being called from the adjoining room and at that point our first born daughter comes in rubbing her eyes. "Baby crying ?" She asks and climbs up on my lap.


So here we are, in this beautiful moment that I find ourselves in. My almost 2 year old sitting on my lap, sleeping and radiating even more heat than I could handle during this heat wave we're experiencing in the city. My wonderful husband bottle feeding our newborn with the milk I expressed minutes ago. 4 souls in this room , at 1:30 in the morning - my family, my entire world . 


So of course I cry due to a combination of hormones coming down from my recent pregnancy, and a combination of complete awe & love - trying to figure out exactly how I got so lucky to live this life with these amazing human beings.


I know this is one of those life changing moments that will stick with me for the rest of my life. This is postpartum , this is life, this is happiness and all emotions rolled into one. I'm one lucky, lucky woman. "


 The loves of my life - September 27, 2017


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